So Long, Farewell, Auf wiedersehen, good night

Here’s to the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, the Year of Living Joyfully.

I spent my entire day today writing a sermon I didn’t have time to work on over the holidays. I hope it will feel good starting 2012 in the pulpit speaking what I know to be true (which, trust me, isn’t always easy).

Before I head out to the Annual New Year’s Gala at another local Mennonite Church (complete with circus performances…) I wanted to take a few minutes and reflect on this last year, inventory what I’ve learned and what I’m taking into the new year.

• What did I learn? (skills, knowledge, awareness, etc.)

I learned a lot about self-care, how important it is to take care of myself and make sure I’m healthy and whole…which sometimes means moving (yep, that wasn’t fun…), slowing down, and asking for help. I learn a lot about sexuality, Christian history, and how to be as strong as I can and also graceful in really difficult conversations. I learned a lot about my limits: what I can and can’t do. I learned that I need a lot of time to rest, and I work best in small pieces. I learned that I really do want to exercise more. I learned about the world of Law School. I gained some skill in Preaching.

• What did I accomplish? A list of my wins and achievements.

I won some scholarships, including a competitive National One. That was a big win! I think I won continued respect among my professors, co-workers and peers. I think I won some emotional strength from all I went through…

• What would I have done differently, Why?

I would have communicated with my parents differently…I’m not sure exactly how differently, but differently. I would have kept up with old friends from Camp better. I would have actually sent my parents birthday cards. I would have tried to finish more things. I would have asked for help earlier. I would have called my brother and sister more. I would have been more careful with certain situations, been a bit more guarded. I would have had my Birthday party at Josh and Julia’s house…;-), I would have exercised more, I would have written more. I would have followed the News more closely.

• What did I complete or release? What still feels incomplete to me?

This is a hard one…so much feels undone. I completed and released my time at my old house and with my old housemates. I believe I released a lot of long-held insecurity…which is an accomplishment. I completed 2 more semesters of school.

I have so many physical things that seem incomplete…the quilt, the knitting, the books, the French…those things feel incomplete.

• What were the most significant events of the year past? List the top three.

1) Meeting and falling in love with Woodchuck. 2) The Fisher Fiasco. 3) My national scholarship and the conference I attended.

• What did I do right? What do I feel especially good about? What was my greatest contribution?

I feel really good simply about surviving some things, and coming out pretty whole on the other end. I feel good about how honest I’ve learned to be: with myself and with others. I feel good that Woodchuck still loves me after 10 months I feel like I contributed to the seminary in Many ways, especially with !Explore. I feel like I have continued to contribute at Prairie Street. I don’t feel like I have contributed as much as I want with the neighborhood kids…

• What were the fun things I did? What were the not-so-fun?

Seeing plays! “Next to Normal” and “Ragtime”. Many fun things with my old house-mates Spending time at the Beach with Woodchuck. My trip to New Orleans. !Explore was fun, too! Taking Sabbaths is fun. Also getting a Kindle was fun.

Not so fun: anything associated with the Fisher Fiasco. Times when I had to be away from Woodchuck and didn’t want to be. Moving.

• What were my biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?

Anything associated with the Fisher Fiasco (this is a theme…), accepting myself and dealing with other people not accepting me, my parents, feeling less connected to my little sister, the ending at my old house, school became challenging and exhausting. Feeling like I was more surviving than thriving.

• How am I different this year than last?

I feel like I’m definitely stronger. I also feel like I have let go of a lot of insecurity, embraced myself as I am and learned to love other people less for attention and simply to love them. I feel far more aware of my str

Image via Wikipedia

engths and weaknesses and able to identify what I need. I also know more about love than I ever thought I would and much of my life has changed as a result. I have very different dreams now that I”m in a serious relationship and have to combine my own dreams with the person that I love.

• For what am I particularly grateful?

I am so grateful for the unconditional love that Woodchuck shows me. I am grateful that, right now, I don’t have to worry about finances very much. I am grateful that I have had long weekends to travel and opportunities to travel this summer. I am grateful for my school and the relationships I have there. I am grateful for my amazing community of friends in Elkhart. I am grateful I have the month of January to rest and revive and think once again about thriving.

Peace to you all as we move into 2012! May it be a blessed year indeed.